Dear Daddy,
I haven't written here in a long while. But today, I am priviledged to type this in your memory. Our relationship was one characterised by dual respect for each other’s strengths and capabilities; and the sheer desire to support each other to overcome our weaknesses and minimize our flaws. But it was also characterised by mutual recognition of the fact that we were dependent and yet so independent of each other.
You truly handled your duties and responsibilities towards us, as the custodian on earth of these precious gifts from your Heavenly Father and knew at the core that our destinies assigned by God were totally different from yours. And therefore you had a core responsibility to shape my siblings and I with your love and discipline; but ultimately you knew that God had a plan for us to fulfill here on earth.
You were never one who would impose anything on us. The moment I expressed my desire to become an "airhostess", you were eager to ensure I got the capabilities that would equip me and aid me to put my best foot forward. So off I prepared for the Ghana Airways training centre to earn that "Passenger handling, ticketing and reservations certificate" - you appreciated the fact that, to serve well in the air, I needed to understand the processes on ground. I did my best in combining that with French lessons at the Alliance Française - phew that was my training in multitasking right there. Handling the bills was difficult. But you paid it all somewhere, somehow. I thank God it all turned out well and you lived to enjoy the little benefits I brought to you, as an airhostess.
When that National Airline collapsed, just like lots of people, I'm sure you were wondering, "now, what next for my daughter"? But remember, you had laid a solid foundation for us. So determination was simply our dessert and hard work was just a basic requirement to achieve good success. I never saw an end. I simply saw options. And the chance to chart a new course. But ultimately heading towards God's divine destiny for my life.
You taught us to dream big and to love education because knowledge gives power. I got that IATA diploma I was pursuing whiles flying alright - thank God for distance education. It was quite an experience though. I know you were somewhere nearby as I struggled to concentrate in that exam room as I wrote that final paper, knowing full well that back at home, your traditional "one week" celebration was taking place. I still couldn't believe you were gone. My father dead? I was still braving through the storm thinking I would come back home to find out that you had fallen into coma and was now wide awake. Because remember how you shared that story of the bright light, when you fell into comma and looking back you saw your girls, your son and all that unfinished work that beaconed you to earth, well I recalled that moment and gave that paper my all. Because I knew you wouldn't have had me boycott the exam, the last of which qualified me to complete the stated four IATA courses to be done within three years in order to qualify for that Diploma in Airline Studies. - that Award is for you Daddy. Thank you daddy, you taught me never to give up!
In all that we presented to you as career choices, you would question our motives, you would share your thoughts regarding the choices, and as long as it was legal, worthy and commendable, you were ready to offer guidance and support. There were times, like the ever lovely rose flower, we struggled to keep the thorns from pricking our tiny fingers yet the bright glow, inviting essence and beauty of the petals that make up the lovely rose flower still kept us desirous of grabbing hold and plucking that flower to smell it once more. And even after the reaction from unconsciously dropping the flower existed, it was equally followed by a speedy action to pick it up again from the dusty ground on which it’s dropped. Therefore even when I would break your heart a series of times, and I’m sure you were tempted to say never again; you would still come to my aid and help me along the way. Because I know now, that I was quite a stubborn, forthright and pretty hard to manage girl, growing up - in fact Josh would still say he hasn't gotten a hang on me yet. Oh boy, who is this girl that's always looking for an adventure and seeking to be set free to fly high above the clouds where the eagles soared. You did your best to contain me, to guide me, and yet to allow me discover myself and all that you believed I had in me for the good of this world.
You were a man of immense knowledge and your intellect simply beats my imagination. Your hard work, diligence, attention to detail, probity, accountability and sheer integrity are some of your numerous qualities that have ingrained some deep values and carved some sharp disciplines in me which I cannot begin to erase nor level even if offered a thousand erasers or thousand razors to do so - because you're knew it was a requirement, if we were to survive in the systems of this world.
You were also quick to correct, yet even quicker to teach. Daddy can you imagine, all the times you would correct errors in the newspapers at home, charging us to do same - sometimes making me quite unhappy - has been really useful? Those mini "Harraps books on grammer, hyphenation, punctuation, phrases, etc., you bought and insisted at times before I would pick up to read, has truly been useful. Now my eyes would basically proofread anything I pick up to read or set my eyes upon. Oh daddy, sometimes I do feel I'm being a nuisance - as if I'm being labelled as the one who is simply seeing errors - and to worsen it all daddy, the technology of nowadays, actually help you complete your sentences and offers suggestions of words to use. Hmmm sometimes it puts down words you just didn't need nor mean to write. But I know, you'd still say "read over your work". I won't be surprised daddy, if you even pick lots of errors in this letter.
You were high on discipline and in equal measure, your recognition and reward for a good work done, was always apt. You would tease us about how you have given us the room to be ‘lawyers’ in the house, because we would now have the occasion every now and then, to point out a principle and match it with its reward or punishment; even when you slipped and erred against us. We were always ready to remind you of your promises and the need to honour them as stated. Even acting as the jury when you and mum had serious misunderstandings. My siblings and I, are definitely grateful to God for giving us the best Daddy in the whole wide world.
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, or so they say. But when you were handed with three girls in tow, you perceived, I believe, that the world wouldn’t be friendly towards women for some time to come. So you took it upon yourself to empower us. You made everything seem so easy to accomplish and encouraged us to pursue education, develop our talents, and to use our skills the best way we can; you were quick to let your girls know and understand that a woman's worth was not in beauty nor the kitchen alone but more so the beauty of the inner being and her contributions towards the building of her home, country and the world. You were always quick to point out, how hard our mother was working to support the family and how much you valued that support.
Today, the world is talking about gender balance and gender equality, daddy. You epitomised it so well - it's so misconstrued and misunderstood by many men I can tell. You didn't see it as demeaning, to return from work and whiles giving us the chance to finish up our homework, you would be helping out in the kitchen; you would teach us to clean the bathroom - as you were taught at the academy you'll say. And you will show us not once, not twice but several times until we got it just right. You would make me wash the FIAT car most times and I remember arguing sometimes about that chore. I was just not coming to terms with why you won’t just leave it to the men at home. But you were quick to state that there was no task limited to a particular gender. You made it clear that we needed to support each other in getting work done. You made me believe that I can do anything I set my mind and heart on.
I remember so vividly, how you would join us in the kitchen; especially after school as we all prepared the fried plantain and favourite recipe for the oil that should go with the beans mother had cooked in the morning. You would meticulously show us how to peel off the dried skin from the smoked herrings or anchovies and thoroughly get rid of the sand as we combined it with pepper and onions to taste. Your presence in the kitchen actually made us, your girls, dub you “kitchen director” hahaha and I wonder if you ever knew about that nickname we kept calling behind your back. Oh those moments when you would ask if it was “royco cube” or something else in the stew was a jaw breaker. My goodness, we would break out into fits of laughter the moment you exited the kitchen, wondering what exactly you meant by that. But I guess you were alluding to the fact that, hmmm the stew we had prepared didn’t quite meet the expectations of your taste buds. Days when we would oversleep and wake up quite late for school, you would sometimes help us out through the morning chores, sweeping the hall so we could all hurry up and join you in your blue FIAT car to school. There were days you would ask us to walk down to school because you noticed we had enough to be ready, but were simply dragging our feet and not being conscious of time. Hence you would leave for work and we had to walk down the Juba Ridge road to our cluster of schools down the traffic lights. It wasn’t must of a distance but the importance of that discipline instilled a level of time consciousness in me and makes a lot of meaning to me now. It was never meant to punish us, but it was to instil that time consciousness in us.
You taught us about opportunity cost, quite early on. You sat us down and made us to understand how to manage our finances to meet family obligations, social obligations, etc. Very often you would say, you don’t usually frequent the officers’ mess too often, because it was a choice between spending quality time with us at home rather than spending that time out there and being tempted to use more money for your favorite Malta Guinness at the expense of some other need at home. I value your little sacrifices daddy. I can assure you daddy, that the quality times we spent together has yielded many positive results and still does. So I hope if you’re looking down, that you have that proud smile of a father who made a wise choice. It took a lot to do so, I can tell. Because I am now a parent too and I know what it takes to deprive yourself of personal enjoyment for the sake of your children.
I still recall that evening when the call came. But they didn’t know that you had prepared me ahead to receive the news that was about to be shared. Because few hours before that moment, there was a sudden overwhelming feeling to pick up those albums and glance through all the pictures you brought down from Lebanon, Canada, etc., as part of your peacekeeping operations. As I kept glancing through those albums the power went out, - oh it's called "dum-sor" now daddy. A word that has actually found it's way into the dictionary. So as the lights went off at the time, and a sudden chill embraced me and I thought to myself, oh how I wish you would recover and return home soon and be relieved of all the pain you were going through. Even at that obviously frail moment, when all human abilities were unable to do much, you were hopeful that if I could put that call through to Guys Hospital London and explain to them that you had experienced another systematic failure; they would quickly arrange for your transfer from the 37 Military Hospital for treatment. I wish I could have granted you that wish daddy. I truly wish I had the ability and resources to have made that happen. But I am equally consoled that where you are now, is painfree and disease-free and you wouldn't even have wished that I kept you in that frail mortal body.
Well the lights stay off, as tears filled my eyes and then the dogs barked and the call came, and as I heard my cousin Yaw asking me whether I had heard from my mum, I knew alas! You were definitely there that moment to bid farewell. And as I write this, I suddenly cannot resist the tears from flooding my eyes and flowing freely once more. But this time, it’s not filled so much with the pain of losing you. It’s rather filled with so much gratitude that I God blessed me and my siblings with such a wonderful man, to have as a father.
Who would have ever imagined, that time would erase the sharp piercing pains we felt. That pain that felt like a sharp knife cutting through our hearts each day as we trooped from hospital, to family meetings, to publishers, to caterers, to church, to your office, etc. in a bid to find closure to that painful experience and to give you a final resting place for your mortal body. It’s no surprise that you left us in excellent hands. The palms that can carry the whole world. The solid foundation you gave us, to put our trust in God and not in man, has indeed paid off.
It is indeed our cherished inheritance; that you left us in the hands of God. The several adventures with you, especially as you battled that cancer, couldn’t have proved it better that the hand of man shall fail you, even forget you but when you put your trust in God, behold all things are made possible. And certainly, I agree with my brother's WhatsApp status which alludes that the certainty of humanity is the reality of dead, a humbling moment when all mankind would come to the realisation that we are but sojourners in this world. We are encouraged, that for those who die in the Lord Jesus Christ, God will keep until the moment when eternity is decided for all. For it is appointed unto man, to die once and after that, judgement.
On 4th October, 2006 you departed this world daddy, affectionately called by many with your final Military rank “Major”, I'm proud that before I could fully finalize this post today, I had the opportunity to drive by the Military Cemetery and felt so proud to straighten my elbows behind the wheels in salute and in honour of the man I love so deeply.
Today, 4th October, 2016, we agree with the psalmist and pose the question, "O death were is your sting"?. Our God has lifted our sorrows and turned our mourning into dancing again. I could go on and on but I have to pause here. And be sure, I'll return to edit this post to ensure I've left no errors uncorrected :). Your memory lives on and shines ever so brightly each day - in some circles I'm called "Sunshine" and it's no doubt the fruit never falls far from its tree. Whenever I'm asked, where I get my motivation, zeal, passion for excellence, perseverance and a host more from; I know deep down it's all in God's grand plan and His ability to give me strength each second. But also because I saw in you, that "never-give-up" spirit, which challenges me each day to achieve some more. My talking has led me to Toastmasters, daddy. You would have loved to join me I know, I chose today, to have my Advanced Communicator Gold, ACG award to be submitted. I go for Gold each time - because of you daddy. My number one giant, on whose shoulders I've stood to see farther.
This is also to show just how much we've all missed you. Words can never exhaust our thoughts and memories of you. From your beloved wife, Chief Inspector Edith Boaduwaa Adjei (Rtd.), your beloved children, your in-laws, your grand-children and the extended family who still remember you, we say, "Daddy", "Daa", "Major", "Fo Kudjo", "S.S.", you’re are so dearly loved, sorely missed; you may be gone but never forgotten.
Humbly submitted with a magnificent salute,
Your lovely daughter,
"AaaaKooos" (in that melodious voice, which only you could master, used in pronouncing that name).
PATRICIA DZIFA MENSAH-LARKAI, DTM
FOUNDER, LEAD CONSULTANT - PERISSOS HORIZON
